Divorce intrudes on the lives of children as well as spouses. When custody becomes an issue, the children are entangled in the legal process.

With very few exceptions, divorcing couples can and should themselves determine their post divorce rights and responsibilities with regard to most issues, especially those involving child custody. Preferably this should occur outside the courtroom.  If the divorcing couple cannot reach this agreement without the assistance of third parties, we strongly recommend the use of collaborative law methods of dispute resolution (see our web page on collaborative divorce).

If the issue of custody of the children can be bargained in the shadow of the law, there will be a reduction in the animosity that may exist between the parties and there will be developed agreements ensuring that the children will have a close and continuing relationship with both parents after the marriage is dissolved. Open lines of communication will not only facilitate the reduction and resolution of social emotional conflicts of divorcing parents, but more important, the children will be spared the unnecessary and destructive discord between their parents. This will facilitate the children's positive development.

Texas law provides that the best interest of the child shall always be the primary consideration of the court in determining questions of custody, and it should be the primary consideration of parents outside the courtroom.

If the issue of custody cannot be resolved by the divorcing couple, then the court is called to apply rules determining what is in the best interest of a child.

Texas courts have considered, although this is not an exhaustive list, the following factors in ascertaining the best interest of the child:

1. The desires of the child;
2. The emotional and physical needs of the child now and in the future;
3. The emotional and physical danger to the child now and in the future;
4. The parental abilities of the individuals seeking custody;
5. The programs available to assist these individuals to promote the best interest of the child;
6. The plans the individuals seeking custody have for the child;
7. The stability of the homes of the individuals seeking custody;
8. The acts or omissions of the parent which may indicate that the existing parent- child relationship is not a proper one; and
9. Any excuse for the acts or omissions of the parent.

Generally, when divorcing parents hassle over visitation, they put their own needs above those of their children.  This in turn leads to an undermining of their own relationship with the children as well as burdening them with guilt.  Because the visit is one of the few times that the visiting parent has personal contact with the children, the visit should be meaningful for both the visiting parent and the children. While the parents may not be able to get along, the children still need both parents.

Visitation exists primarily for the children and not for the parents.  It is always best for the parents to agree on a visitation schedule and take into account each child's age and such factors as the child's schooling and whether there will be long distance travel.

The guidelines for visitation are based on the assumption that it is beneficial for any child to receive affectionate care from both parents.  The following guidelines may assist in reaching and maintaining visitation arrangements in the best interests of the child(ren):

1. Remember the welfare of your children comes first--see to it that their emotional needs are met and give them the opportunity to develop normally under the circumstances.
2. Remember that visitation with the non-custodial parent is needed and is helpful to the development and future welfare of your children.
3. Visitation should be pleasant not only for the children but also for both parents. Common sense should prevail in the granting and exercising of visitation rights.
4. Visitation should always help your children maintain a positive relationship with their visiting parent.
5. Visitation should not take place only in the children's home. The non-custodial parent may want the children to visit his or her home overnight.
6. Keep a visitation schedule and inform the custodial parent when you cannot keep an appointment. Not keeping a visit without notifying the other parent may be construed by the child as rejection.
7. Children's plans for the weekend should not be used as a reason for denying visitation. If the children's plans conflict with a scheduled visitation but are in the best interest of the children, parents and the children should work out the problem together.
8. Visitation should not be used by the visiting parent as a means to check on the other parent. Children should not be quizzed for this kind of information.
9. Children may have problems following visitation, and both parents should make every effort to discuss these problems and to agree on ways to deal with such problems.
10. Both parents should strive for agreement in decisions pertaining to their children, especially regarding discipline, so that one parent is not undermining the other's efforts.
11. Be discreet when you expose your children to any members of the opposite sex with whom you may be emotionally involved. Having other people participate during visitation periods dilutes the parent-child experience during visitation. Children may come to believe that the visiting parent does not have time for them.
12. Keep in mind that your children's future attitude, outlook, and emotional development is important and that uncomplicated visitation is essential.